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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24041530">only as alone as I want to be</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/theragingstorm/pseuds/theragingstorm'>theragingstorm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>rise like the break of dawn [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Birds of Prey (Comic), Black Canary (Comics), DCU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Angst and Humor, Canon Disabled Character, F/M, Family, Friendship, Frozen AU, Gen, Or Is It?, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Unrequited Crush</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:07:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24041530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/theragingstorm/pseuds/theragingstorm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Barbara takes Dick and his brothers to see her friends -- and deals with her own burgeoning feelings along the way.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barbara Gordon &amp; Dinah Lance, Barbara Gordon &amp; Everyone, Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Stephanie Brown &amp; Barbara Gordon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>rise like the break of dawn [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734247</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>only as alone as I want to be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>With thanks to ZirtaEvans for prompting this scene. And today's my last day before my finals start, after which I'm done with my first year of university. Wish me luck, everyone...</p><p>Title from Missed Connection by The Head And The Heart.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> She had strayed from her father again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thirteen years old and as wild as a wolf cub, she deliberately disobeyed him and tailed for miles after the ice harvesters, to the edge of a mountain lake that was already frozen solid, though it was barely autumn. They were all big, burly men, and she was a skinny girl, and they laughed to see her there. Seething, she did her best to prove herself, to cut and drag the ice out, her saw bouncing off the surface, her hands burning on the ropes, swearing as badly as her father’s troops, which made a few of the men laugh more affectionately and soften to her. They showed her how to pierce the ice, how to leverage it even with her lacking height and even more lacking weight. She would put on muscle eventually, they said. It would grow easier with time.  </em>
</p><p><em> The aurora was flickering across the sky in pinks and greens by the time they left the lake, and she thought to herself that her father must be going frantic looking for her. It was his fault, she thought spitefully, for shooting down her pleas to let her join the academy, to let </em> her <em> work her way to being in the royal guard like he had done. She would have to make money somehow when she grew into a woman, and she would be damned before she made her living on weaving or embroidery or worse, had to live on a mediocre husband’s piddling allowance. Barbara Gordon did not need a husband to make her way in the world. She would </em> never <em> sacrifice her freedom and independence for a man, never.  </em></p><p>
  <em> She climbed down from the cart they let her ride on to make her way back home, but as she did, an elaborately decorated black carriage pulled by a great black horse raced past her, into the woods -- leaving a shining trail of ice upon the grass behind it. Intrigued, Barbara followed it, ignoring the chill in the air, the little finger of trepidation that went down her spine at something so unnatural.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The ice trail went near her house, before veering deeper into the woods, until she saw the carriage pulled to a halt in front of a small house. The house was surrounded by a strange garden, a thousand trees and herbs and bushes Barbara didn’t recognize all growing wild, the house itself painted deep, rich black, the only color being a white-and-gold painting on the door: an image of a bird in flight.  </em>
</p><p><em>Barbara’s breath caught as the occupants of the carriage left it, at once recognizing the man removing four little boys and a tiny baby one at a time, with a little girl in a blue nightgown at his heels. What was</em> <em>the king, of all people,</em> <em>doing here?</em></p><p>
  <em> Before he could do anything, the door was opened by a short, curvy young woman, nine or ten years Barbara’s senior, with a halo of black curls.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Your Majesty,” she exclaimed in surprise. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Dinah. Is your mother home?” he asked, his low voice tight with pain and fear. “I need her services.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “She’s home, but she might not --” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “She needs to.” The king never pleaded, but he sounded like he was close to it. “I need her. It’s my -- my sons.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The little girl at his side looked at her feet, swallowing hard.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The young woman nodded, her expression sympathetic, and temporarily went back inside. When she emerged again, she was with a middle-aged woman in a long black dress, a black hood over her head; when she pulled it down, Barbara saw the short black curls spring free, saw a glimpse of the tattoos on her calloused hands: black-inked feathers extending out over her fingers.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Barbara had only heard rumor of her and her daughter. The succubi with the killing voices. The bane of wicked men. The mother known only to most as the Bird Witch.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Mrs. Lance,” the king said to her. “Can you cure my sons?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The witch inclined her hand, and the boys were laid out on the soft earth, all of them with their eyes shut, lying so oddly still. She knelt beside them, running her hand over their heads; Barbara took them in. All black-haired, most brown-skinned, ranging in age from a tiny baby to a boy of about ten, almost her age.  </em>
</p><p><em> “Struck by magic,” the witch mused. She looked up at the silent little girl hiding behind her father. “ </em> Your <em> magic,” she guessed. “Was she born with the powers or cursed, Your Majesty?” </em></p><p>
  <em> “Born. But I don’t know much about them,” the king confessed. “Her birth mother never knew her, and her birth father either hid or destroyed his records on her and her abilities. I only know so much about her life before she came to me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I see.” The witch sat back on her heels. “Her brothers are lucky she is either kind or simply has bad aim, considering that she didn’t hit their hearts...but the point is, yes, I can cure them.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Before Barbara’s eyes, the witch held her hands above the unconscious boys while their sister watched, holding onto their father’s jacket. She murmured something under her breath, and their skin glowed faintly for a moment.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What --” the little girl tried to say. She tried again, and the words came out slurred. “What rrr yooo…” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “She’s removing all the magic from their bodies,” the young woman -- the witch’s daughter -- explained kindly. “That’s what the glow is.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Frankly, I think their memories of her magic need to go too,” the witch said brusquely. “To be safe.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Buh -- but they --” the girl tried to say, but it was too late; the glow had already subsided. The witch got to her feet, brushing off her hands.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “They’ll be fine,” she stated, as casually as if she did this every day. “They won’t remember their sister’s powers, but you got what you came for, Your Majesty. Your sons will recover fully by morning.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> While her father placed the sleeping boys back in the carriage, the little girl started forward and tugged at the witch’s dress. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What is it, Princess?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Wih -- wih -- will --” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The young woman moved forward and knelt before the girl. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Can you say it with your hands?” she asked, moving her own fingers into shapes, words. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The girl nodded, and made a series of gestures of her own. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “She wants to know if this will happen again,” the young woman translated. “If she’s a danger to her family, to her brothers.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The king returned to put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. The witch sighed.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Her power will only grow with age. If she doesn’t learn to control it, then yes, I believe this could happen again. Or worse. She’s strong enough, even now, that I believe as an adult she could very easily cause a greater catastrophe, even kill someone.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No,” the girl cried out. “No. I -- I -- wih -- will -- not. Ne...ver a...gain. Learn con...trol.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The king bent too, and gripped her shoulders steadyingly, letting his daughter look into his eyes.  </em>
</p><p><em> “There’s my girl,” he said gruffly, a warmth in his voice. “You are good, Cassandra. You </em> can <em> learn to control it, I know you can. You will not kill anyone ever again, I swear.” </em></p><p>
  <em> She looked at him for a moment. Then she nestled into his arms, closing her eyes.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll send you your payment tomorrow, Mrs. Lance,” the king said to the witch, picking up his daughter as he stood.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She nodded, before retreating back into the house. Her daughter hesitated, looking at the little girl, at the newfound determination in her eyes.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Maybe my mother scared her unnecessarily,” she said. “She seems like a good, kind person, Your Majesty. And she clearly loves her brothers. I don’t think she has to worry as much as she thinks she does.” </em>
</p><p><em>The king looked at her.</em><em><br/></em> <em>“But she </em>does<em> need to learn control, Dinah,” he said, not unkindly. “And until she does, I need to look out for </em>all <em>my children.”</em></p><p>
  <em> He turned, and began to climb into the carriage again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Your kindness is appreciated,” he added to her. “As is your mother’s help.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The door snapped shut, and the carriage rolled away again.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Barbara sank down to a sitting position and fisted her hands in her hair, exhaling softly. Processing what she had seen.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> One thing was for sure. After she went back home, after she faced her father...she was going to have to return to the Lances someday.  </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It took longer for them to descend the mountain than it’d taken them to climb it, nearly three days to return to the woods. Their descent was quieter than their ascent too, four of the five brothers concerned, nervous, though they were loath to admit it. They kept sharing looks, almost instinctively, between themselves. </p><p>The eldest of them had been placed on the horse’s back. He’d protested vehemently, saying he was still strong enough to walk like everyone else and didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, but they all saw his shivering, his curling into himself at the slightest wind. Barbara walked next to them, her cane in one hand, the horse’s reins in the other as she led him onward. </p><p>“You don’t have to do this, Barbara,” Dick said after a time. They’d talked so much over the trip to the mountain, it had been strange to hear him quiet; she was relieved that he was speaking again. “Our deal was just for you to take us up the mountain and back to the kingdom. You don’t have to go to all this extra trouble.”</p><p>Something in her chest stirred at his words. She called it irritation, frustration, though it was something else as well, touched by his concern for her even when he was clearly not well. </p><p>“No king is dying on my watch,” she said gruffly. “I’ll look like the most incompetent guide in the world. No one will ever hire me again.”</p><p>He actually laughed softly, and her chest fluttered again. Part of her latched onto how his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the soft shade of blue that his irises were. </p><p>“I mean, my ice business is already in the shithole, the last thing I need is your death to seal my money-less fate.”</p><p>He laughed some more, then suddenly looked upset.</p><p>“Oh God. Barbara, I’m so sorry about your ice business. I really thought I was going to get through to Cassie, I…” His voice broke, and her heart hurt for it. “I didn’t realize the state she was in.” </p><p>He braced a hand on his chest, wincing. </p><p>“Does it still hurt?”</p><p>“It’s mostly just cold,” he admitted. “Just…” he shivered. “You know how your fingers and nose feel in a snowstorm? That’s how my heart has been feeling since…”</p><p>“Since she struck you.”</p><p>“Accidentally. She struck me accidentally.”</p><p>She marveled at his loyalty to the sister he had barely seen in over a decade, who had frozen his kingdom, who had struck him, hurt him. It was absurd. It was laughable. </p><p>It warmed her to the core. </p><p>“Yes, you know what I meant.” She cleared her throat. “Dick, look, don’t worry about my ice business. Really. It’s okay. Let’s just focus on getting you to my friends.”</p><p>“I can’t believe she actually has other friends,” Damian muttered behind them, and Duke and Tim shushed him. </p><p>“Are you sure?” Dick fretted. “You and Stephanie have done so much for us. I don’t want you two and your families to go hungry.”</p><p>“Dick, you’re giving us each a hundred gold coins and a new sled. Shut up already. Besides…” She faltered. “It’s not like either of us have much in the way of family.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Just my father and her mother. Those are -- the only ones that matter. Like I said earlier this week, I don’t exactly have any romantic prospects in my life.”</p><p>“I know, but…” Dick shrugged. “Now I don’t understand why not.”</p><p>She scoffed. Her footsteps, each tap of her cane, made soft noises through the snow, occasionally tapping, cracking, through a sheen of ice.</p><p>“You don’t? Take a closer look, Your Majesty. Most men don’t want to marry mouthy, independent, intelligent, rough mountain women who hate laundry and mending and go cross-eyed trying to embroider, even if they <em> don’t </em> have injured legs. I’m not exactly anyone’s vision of a housewife.” She laughed bitterly. “I couldn’t chase after a man’s children. They’d run circles around me and my cane, literally.”</p><p>She heard Jason murmur something behind them; this time, it was Damian who did the shushing. </p><p>“If you’re trying to repel me or something, it won’t work,” Dick retorted. “You’re my friend. You’ve been good to me and my family, and obviously to Stephanie too. You’ve saved all our arses more times than I can count on this trip. Just because you’re not a vision of a housewife doesn’t mean you’re not worthwhile; you <em> are </em>.” He looked down from the horse squarely at her. “Any man would be lucky to be with you.”</p><p>Anyone else would’ve made her laugh derisively at that. Instead, the warmth in her chest swelled; her throat closing with emotion, her eyes prickling in the cold. Nobody had ever said anything like that to her with such earnestness, such genuine belief, and this time, she could not pretend that his kindness didn’t affect her. </p><p><em> What the fuck is </em> wrong <em> with me? </em></p><p>“I’m glad <em> you </em> think that, at least,” she managed to say. She let go of the reins to pat his wrist, mittened hands soft against hers, even as they were tangled in the horse’s mane. “Catalina’s going to get one hell of a self-esteem boost, being married to you.”</p><p>“I hope so,” he murmured, his mittened hand briefly taking hers. She cleared her throat and pulled away. </p><p>The clouds above them began to clear away, the stars emerging in the sharp black sky. Barbara fell back, letting Stephanie take the reins, walking next to the princes instead of their brother. None of them would make eye contact with her. </p><p>At last, Tim cleared his throat and said:</p><p>“If we all survive this, I hope we can stay in contact with you and Stephanie.”</p><p>“<em> ‘If’ </em> we survive is right,” Jason said dourly. “I’m already telegramming the flower shops to let them know what arrangements I want for my grave. I’m thinking geraniums, orange lilies, yellow carnations, cyclamens --”</p><p>“We’re <em> not </em> going to die,” Barbara cut him off. She dug the tip of her cane into the snow. “We’re going to figure this out. We are going to come up with some sort of plan. Because after all I’ve lived through, it’s not going to be a fucking <em> snowstorm </em> that takes me out before I’m even thirty.”</p><p>The princes were silent for a moment.</p><p>“You’re not thirty yet?” Damian asked.</p><p>She cuffed him lightly upside the head, and he shoved her in the ribs while his brothers laughed. </p><p>“We <em> should </em> keep in contact with her,” Duke chortled. “She fits in perfectly.”</p><p>They kept laughing as Barbara smiled ruefully at the ground. She was sure, in her heart, that she would not be able to keep in contact with them.</p><p>“You mean she’s unladylike?”</p><p>By then, as they made their way through the familiar landscape, the walk was beginning to tire her. Her old injuries ached, her legs feeling as heavy and dead as fallen trees. She leaned heavily on her cane, grimacing in pain, wishing for a place to sit at a tavern, wishing for her father’s hearth. Wishing for summer warmth instead of the bitter wind that pierced through her furs and into her bones. </p><p>“You think <em> she’s </em> unladylike,” Steph called from ahead, “just wait till you meet her friends.”</p><p>Dick turned around on the horse’s back and looked down towards her. The snow-laden pine branches framed his face like a portrait. </p><p>“What are they like?”</p><p>She cleared her throat, looking down at her boots.</p><p>“Well, they’re like my second family. Half my life, it was just me and my father, but a few years ago, after my accident, I finally met Dinah when I went looking for a poultice. Helena followed after that when we ran into each other hunting, and then out on the ice, I found a scrawny, stubborn kid trying to get a job away from her home and decided to teach her what I know --”</p><p>“That was me,” Steph said cheerily.</p><p>“-- and then, lastly, I met Zinda. Drunken horse race -- don’t ask. There are a few others besides them, but they're the ones you’ll meet today.” </p><p>She glanced upwards, meeting Dick’s eyes.</p><p>“I should warn you, they can be a little much. Um, they’re loud, very talkative. They like to fight, to get into trouble. They like the company of men, if you know what I mean. One’s a bit of a drunk, one loves weaponry --”</p><p>
  <em> And then there’s Dinah. </em>
</p><p>Dinah, who was the one they needed to see. Only Dinah would know how to help Dick.</p><p>“<em> We </em> like weaponry,” Damian offered. “I’m sure our groups can agree on that.”</p><p>Jason sighed in agreement, then looked far away. Most likely lost in happy thought about weaponry. </p><p>“Well, that’s true.” She was still looking at Dick, her heart suddenly thundering. “You know what, I’m sure it’ll be fine, they’re great, they mean well --”</p><p>“Barbara,” he interjected. Her throat hitched. “They sound wonderful.”</p><p>She met his eyes for a moment. </p><p>Then she took a deep breath, moving more quickly till she was in the front again, pushing past a cluster of branches, stepping around brambles until the little black house came into view. Smoke billowed from the dark chimney, smelling of cedar wood and cooking meat and something herbal, something that cut through the smell of snow. </p><p>Barbara knew that there was most likely a pot on the fire, as much as she knew the horses in the stable behind the house and knew each plant that had grown in the frozen gardens. Years of being Dinah’s close friend, and even more before that of admiring her and her mother from afar. </p><p>She heard the princes holding their breath as they took in the strange little place, with its ice-covered trees and the bird painting on the door. She raised her fist and knocked, her knuckles meeting the wood right over the bird’s heart. </p><p>The princes kept holding their breath.</p><p>The door flew open. </p><p>“Barbara?”</p><p>A moment passed. Then she instantly found herself wrapped up in a pair of strong arms, in black fabric that smelled like roses and honey. </p><p>“Barbara! You’re <em> here! </em> You’re <em> alive! </em>Come in, come in!”</p><p>She was muscled through the doorway, into the herb-scented house, and clapped her hands over her ears as her friend bellowed:</p><p>“<em> Hel-en-a! Zin-da! </em> Barbara’s here!”</p><p>More expanses of dark fabric swirled around her, more voices lifted. </p><p>“Hell’s bells, Gordon, you’ve been gone for days! We thought you froze to death!”</p><p>“We’ll write your father, let him know you didn’t, he’s been worried sick --”</p><p>“Oh, we have clean dresses, you can take off those clothes and wash them. And we have lots of mulled wine, and whiskey, and --”</p><p>“Will you let me breathe, you hens?” Barbara chuckled, backing away slightly, taking them in. Zinda was in her usual black, blond curls dusted with snow like she’d been recently outside, bouncing on her heels, beaming. Helena was in violet, a wolfskin wrapped around her shoulders even indoors, black hair tied in a curly, messy braid, the corner of her mouth drawn upwards. When she turned, Dinah braced her hands on her shoulders and met her eyes. </p><p>In some ways, she looked almost nothing like the young woman Barbara had seen from afar ten years prior. She was older, more worn, with slight lines in her forehead, her thick, curly black hair having been dyed a bright blonde. She had more hard muscle on her body and a wedding ring on her finger. Her black dress had no sleeves and a scandalously low back, revealing her tattoos: intricate feathery wings spreading across her shoulder blades and down the backs of her arms, ending at the tips of her fingers. But her eyes were still warm, still sparkled with life as she beamed upwards, cupping Barbara’s jaw. </p><p>“It’s good to see you, honey.”</p><p>“You too.”</p><p>“Hey ladies,” Steph greeted, popping up amongst them, immediately escorted by Helena and Zinda to the fireplace, the three of them all chattering at once. Barbara’s smile flickered.</p><p>“Hey, um, Dinah, there’s something I need to talk to you about…”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>Barbara discarded the outer layer of her furs, trying to decide how best to say it. As she did, there was a slight noise of exclamation from the doorway. </p><p>Dick had dismounted, and was standing before them, his brothers flanking him, staring. His cloak flared out slightly behind him, and his lovely eyes had lit up with recognition and excitement -- setting off another rattle of thunder in Barbara’s chest. He discarded his cape, and as she watched him move, she bit her lip hard.</p><p>“The Bird Witch,” he murmured, then exclaimed: “She’s the Bird Witch.”</p><p>Dinah, Helena, and Zinda all turned and stared at the royal family as one. Zinda’s mouth fell open. </p><p>“Barbara...” she eventually said in a faint voice. “If you’re going to bring the king over, you might try writing us first. I didn’t even get to brush my hair or nothin’.”</p><p>Dinah was over an instant later. She brought Achilles to the stables in record time, racing back inside and hustling the brothers inside, slamming the door shut, grabbing Dick by the arm and pulling him in.</p><p>“You get in right this minute, all of you, you must be half-frozen. Sweet and gentle Jesus, I --” She peered up at Dick, eyes wide with delight. “I haven’t seen you since you were ten years old.” She cupped his cheeks, making him start and redden. “You grew up very well, if I may say so.”</p><p>Helena nodded in agreement, grinning. </p><p>“Ain’t you married?” Zinda asked Dinah, though she looked more amused than disapproving. “C’mon. First things first, let’s get the kids warm. Hel, where’d you put the bourbon?”</p><p>“Zinda, the youngest one’s ten.”</p><p>“What? Kids can have bourbon. My mama used to give it to me when I was little, whenever I had the croup. Worked every time.”</p><p>“<em> That </em> explains a lot,” Helena snarked.</p><p>“Your mama used to give you bourbon when you had the croup?” Dinah asked, pulling a blanket over Dick’s shoulders, throwing another log on the fire, stirring the pot. Stephanie moved a little closer to the blaze. “Mine would smear this herb paste on my chest and hold me over a bucket of hot water, make me breathe in the steam.”<br/>“Mine would just tell me to shut up and go back to sleep,” Barbara said. She sat down next to Dick, who, to her surprise, put an arm around her shoulders -- which she realized was him trying to comfort her. The rest of his siblings had scattered over the house, taking in the decor, the bundles of dried herbs, the strange books lying everywhere. Damian picked up a long set of shears, peering at them. “My <em>father,</em> on the other hand, would run me a hot bath. Now <em>that</em> worked every time.”</p><p>“Ah. Bruce never knew what to do when I was sick or hurt,” Dick spoke up, surprising her. He smiled at her wryly. “He was a great king, but kind of useless when it came to that sort of thing. He always tried, though. I’ll give him that. One time he opened my window to give me fresh air and I nearly got pneumonia and he panicked something truly awful.” He paused. “God, I miss him.”</p><p>The younger four boys shared uncertain looks. Barbara remembered that they had barely seen their sister growing up, that they had seen their father only slightly more often, and she felt a burst of sympathy for them. Sure, her mother had left her and she had barely seen her own brother, but despite the pain that had caused, she ultimately considered herself better off without them. Besides, she had never been too far from her own father, or for too long. What must it be like, she wondered, to be torn away, for years at a time, from someone you still loved and wanted to be with?</p><p>“I’m sure he would be proud of you all,” she attempted to say, “risking your lives to recover your sister and protect your people.”</p><p>To her shock, Dick smiled warmly at her, even as his eyes were still heavy with emotion. She instinctively lifted an arm, as if to put it around him, then quickly withdrew it.</p><p>“Which reminds me. Dinah…” She got to her feet, grimacing. “They -- <em> he </em> has to do with something I need to tell you about.” She faced her friend, meeting her eyes. “Something important.”</p><p>Dinah’s eyes grew huge. She pressed her hand to her mouth.</p><p>“Oh. Babs. I see.” Her voice was soft at first. “I completely see. And you’re right, that <em> is </em> important.”</p><p>Stephanie looked up from the fire, watching the two of them. Helena, who’d been pouring warm drinks, looked up too, her mouth falling slightly open. </p><p>“Oh. Good.” Barbara took a deep breath and leaned on her cane. “So you see why I brought him to see you.”</p><p>“Oh, honey. <em> Absolutely </em> .” Dinah whisked over in a flash of black fabric, and knelt before Dick, looking at him. “Let’s see...a little strongly affected by the cold, but that’s understandable. Otherwise strong, healthy. Good hair, good teeth, good complexion, very nice dimples, <em> amazing </em> eyes…”</p><p>Wait a minute.</p><p>“What are your thoughts on taxation of the rich versus that of your poorer citizens?” Dinah asked him. “Do you believe in funding of the arts? Literacy? Do you think women can be as intelligent as men? What about as strong? Will you allow for immigration and social reforms?”</p><p>Dick blinked, clearly as confused as Barbara was.</p><p>“Um, I think the rich have a duty to use their money for good, instead of just hoarding it, and I certainly don't want to beat down on my poorer citizens. I do believe in funding and providing easily accessible art and education. And very strong <em> yeses </em> to all the last three questions.”</p><p>Dinah clapped her hands together.</p><p>“Well, so far your values align with hers perfectly. You answered quickly, you clearly mean it instead of just telling me what I want to hear. Interacting with us, you seem kind, down to earth. Your looks certainly don’t hurt either.” She got to her feet again. “Yes, you’ll do nicely for our Barbara.”</p><p>“And the fact that you’re wealthy royalty is just a great bonus,” Helena agreed. Zinda nodded. </p><p>Barbara’s mouth fell open. Did they think --?</p><p>Jason burst into loud, raucous laughter as Dick’s eyes grew huge. Tim and Duke broke into grins, Damian just looked baffled. </p><p>“Do you think that your friend is having relations with our brother?” he asked, completely straight-faced. “Because she isn’t --”</p><p>“He’s right,” Barbara and Dick said in unison. Then they looked at each other in surprise.</p><p>Jason kept laughing. Tim and Duke just glanced at Stephanie, who grinned back, knowledge in her eyes.</p><p>Barbara continued hastily: </p><p>“It’s not like that. I’m just their guide.”</p><p>“Yes, no,” Dick said equally hastily. He pulled the blanket a little more tightly around his shoulders. “It’s not -- I’m not -- we’re not -- not together. Not like that.”</p><p>The three other women stared between the two of them. Dinah suddenly looked outraged.</p><p>“Well, why the hell not? What’s wrong with her?”</p><p>“Ma'am, that’s really not the issue --” Dick tried to say, but Helena cut him off.</p><p>“Look, Your Majesty, Your Grace, my lord, however you want to go by, we understand that she can be a little off-putting sometimes. She can be bossy, controlling, proud, gets really cold and withdrawn when she’s angry, irritatingly smug when she wins arguments --”</p><p>“Socially impaired,” Zinda chimed in. “Lacks emotional intelligence.”</p><p>“Maybe you don’t like redheads,” Helena continued. “Maybe you don’t like how she gets really impatient with everyone she doesn’t think is as smart as she is, which she thinks is everyone.”</p><p>Barbara briefly fantasized about murdering her best friends in the world.</p><p>“Yes, look, Your Majesty,” Dinah added to Dick, who looked exceedingly bemused, “the point is, she’s not perfect in the least. It’s important to know that going in. But if you show her some love, it’ll be worth it, we swear. Eventually, she’ll open up to you just like a flower in the sun.” Dinah snickered. “In more ways than one.”</p><p>Tim choked on his drink.</p><p>“Can we please just stop talking about this?” Barbara yelled, lifting her hands, her face burning. “We’ve got a real actual problem here.”</p><p>“<em> I’ll </em> say, darlin’.” Zinda put her arms around Jason’s and Duke’s shoulders. “A good man’s holding himself back from you, and we’re tryin’ to find out why. Granted, I’m not the type to try and hold onto a good man myself, but <em> you </em> should be happy, y’know? Hey, does he know how you look in the morning? Is that why he doesn’t want to spend nights with you?”</p><p>“I doubt that’s it,” Helena said. “He doesn’t strike me as being that petty. Look, Your Majesty, we know that she pretends she’s all hard and tough and isn’t ever soft or gentle, but that’s just a cover-up. Like Dinah said, she can be loving.” She smirked faintly, sipping her hot wine. “When she’s pressed.”</p><p>Dinah laughed softly, then placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder. He tried to say something, but she shushed him.</p><p>“Look, in all seriousness, you don’t have to explain yourself. We understand, you’re the king, and you’re under a lot of pressure to marry someone ‘right.’ But flaws and all, we fully believe if you give her your love, <em> real </em> love, not the horseshit that passes for marriage among your peers, she <em> will </em> be right for you --”</p><p>“<em> Can I speak to the three of you for a moment? </em>” Barbara managed to say through gritted teeth. Dick’s brothers murmured amongst themselves as she pulled her friends aside</p><p>“Well there’s no need to get angry, we’re trying to help you.”</p><p>“And as I have told the three of you <em> countless </em> times, I don’t want or need your help in relationships. That area of my life is none of your business.” </p><p>“Since when?” Dinah retorted. “And you <em> hypocrite! </em> You told Helena not to get involved with Thomas, you kept Zinda away from Aleksandr --”</p><p>“Which in retrospect was the right call,” Zinda murmured, smiling faintly to herself. “He wasn’t interested in <em> me </em> none.”</p><p>“-- and you gave <em> me </em> a literal <em> list </em> of reasons not to marry Oliver. And look at those kids!” She made a sweeping gesture with her hand, encompassing all five brothers. “Their father’s dead, their sister that they haven’t seen in years is pushing them away --”</p><p>“And it’s not my job to educate men on what love and affection is, Dinah.”</p><p>“Good thing too,” Helena remarked. “They’ve probably learned enough that it’s about repressing every single one of your feelings.”</p><p>“What Hel <em> means </em> t’say is,” Zinda interjected, “Y’don’t <em> have </em> to teach them what love and affection is. Frankly, I don’t think any of us could. They’re going to have to learn it for themselves. If you freely give it to one of ‘em, however, like you obviously want to…”</p><p>“I do <em> not </em>,” she hissed, feeling her cheeks turn aflame. </p><p>“Oh honey.” Dinah’s mouth turned up. “You very, very clearly do. The way you stare at him, like you want to --” She glanced around to make sure Damian wasn’t listening, and said in a not-quiet-enough undertone, “-- suck his soul out through his cock.”</p><p>“<em> Dinah! </em>”</p><p>“And then love on him afterwards, because Barbara…” Her smile grew more genuine, warmer. “I have never seen you look at a man the way you look at this one. He does something to you, in here.” She gently poked her friend in the chest. “He may be the king and all, but you had better catch this one while you can, because --”</p><p>“<em> Enough! </em> ” The word burst out of her; her chest was growing too tight, too tight to breathe. She faced her friends, her eyes stinging, her throat raw. “He is <em> engaged </em> to <em> someone else </em>, okay?”</p><p>For several seconds, that stunned all three of them into silence.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>She exhaled sharply, fisting her hands in her hair. </p><p>“He has a woman back in the valley, a friend of his, Catalina Flores. Good family, they came over from one of the Spanish colonies in the Americas; Dick didn’t say which one. Brother’s an important lawyer. They’ll be back to their wedding plans as soon as the storm clears up, I promise you.”</p><p>“Barbara, I’m so, so sorry, I --” Dinah straightened, clearing her throat, her expression flinty. “What part of the kingdom does she live in? What’s her address? Where does she keep her personal effects? I need to know more about this woman who thinks she’s better for a good man than you.”</p><p>“You’re not going to put a spell on her,” Barbara muttered. She swiped viciously at her eyes. “Fighting a woman I’ve never met for a man I’ve only known a week is absurd. She can have him for all I care.”</p><p>“You’re just going to give up?” Helena said incredulously.</p><p>“I’m not going to give up, because I was never fighting for him in the first place. Now leave it alone.”</p><p>They still looked upset as she went to join Stephanie, sniffling quietly, wiping at her eyes when no one was looking, dipping Dinah’s ladle into the soup pot and stirring it around, looking to see if it was done.</p><p>“Hey, are they right?”</p><p>She looked at her trainee. Wrapped in a quilt patterned with canaries in flight, Steph’s head, with its thick mane of blond curls, was all that poked out. She had her head tilted to the side owlishly, blinking at her mentor. </p><p>“Do you, you know, feel something for him?”</p><p>Barbara drew in on herself.</p><p>“I’m his guide, Stephanie, and that’s all. I did not come here so that my friends could make marriage plans, I came here to save his life.”</p><p>“<em> What? </em>”</p><p>She jumped, almost spilling soup. Dinah’s shocked shriek was followed by her rapid footsteps, darting over to him again. </p><p>“Did she say ‘save your life’?”</p><p>“Yeah, we didn’t really get a chance to tell you, but…” Dick shivered, and Dinah’s eyes grew wide. “We went to see our sister.”</p><p>He explained the whole thing, and Dinah’s expression of shock became one of horror. Helena and Zinda exchanged looks of concern.</p><p>“And I know this has happened to me before, Cassandra told me.” He brushed his hair out of his eyes. “About how she accidentally hit us when we were children. Then Barbara told us about how it was <em> your </em> mother who saved our lives. And that even before she died and you took her place, you inherited all her power.”</p><p>“Yes, I...yes, I inherited my mother’s power.” Dinah swallowed hard. “But Your Majesty...Richard...I...I can’t save you like my mother did.”</p><p>Barbara felt her friend’s words hit her like a punch to the chest. </p><p>“What do you mean?” she demanded, dropping the ladle with a <em> splash </em>. With effort, she got to her feet. “Can’t you remove it? You’re every bit as strong as your mother was, stronger even.”</p><p>“It’s not about strength.” Dinah placed her hand on Dick’s chest, fingers glowing slightly. He shuddered. “The ice his sister shot him with implanted in his heart, and froze it. No matter how powerful the magic user, no outside force can change or remove something in his heart. The only way he can save himself is through an act of true love.”</p><p>“An act of true love?” Dick murmured.</p><p>“Save himself?” Duke exclaimed. “His life is really in danger?”</p><p>Dinah bent her head.</p><p>“If he doesn’t manage to thaw his heart soon, he’ll turn to solid ice. Permanently.”</p><p>The look of dawning horror on Dick’s face pierced Barbara’s chest, twisting into her flesh. </p><p>“What’s all this about an act of true love?” Jason burst out. “What is that? What does that entail?”</p><p>“It’s exactly what it sounds like, it’s an act that expresses or shows the love you have for someone. Like, you know, in fairytales, how curses are broken by a true love’s kiss? The same thing applies here.”</p><p>“<em> Would </em> a true love’s kiss work for him?” Tim asked.</p><p>“It should, yes.”</p><p>Barbara hobbled over to Dick’s side, taking his shoulder in hand.</p><p>“We have to get you back to Catalina,” she said, “It sounds to me like you need <em> her </em> to save your life.”</p><p>Dick blinked, then sighed softly.</p><p>“Yes. That -- I clearly do.”</p><p>Dinah backed up, biting her lip. Barbara couldn’t look her friend in the eyes.</p><p>“You can borrow my horses, speed up your trip back to the kingdom. It’s about half a day’s ride down to the valley, so for now, everyone should get some food and some rest.”</p><p>The soup was doled out, but everyone ate in silence, picking at slices of bread, sipping quietly at their mulled wine. </p><p>Dick took Dinah aside as he was taking everyone’s empty bowls to the kitchen, and Barbara couldn’t help but overhear.</p><p>“How long do I have?” </p><p>“I -- I don’t --”</p><p>“Ma’am. Please just tell me.”</p><p>A sigh.</p><p>“First of all, don’t call me ma’am. It makes me feel old. Second of all...two days at the most. Less if you don’t stay warm.”</p><p>He was silent for almost a minute. Then when he spoke again, Dick’s voice sounded more broken than it had ever been. </p><p>“I never...ever would’ve thought that my sister would ever...I believed that she would…”</p><p>“I know. You never want to believe someone you love could not listen to you, or could fuck up so badly. And it’s hard to decide whether or not to forgive them, right?”</p><p>“...Where are you going with this?”</p><p>“I -- look. I know you already have a woman, I know that maybe you <em> don’t </em> have feelings for our Barbara. I fucked up there. But can I give you some advice anyway?”</p><p>“Am I allowed to say no?”</p><p>They both chuckled.</p><p>“Of course you are, you’re the king. But I’m going to tell you anyway: when you love someone, really love them, you bring out their best. Because you make each other want to be better. And when you do, when they’re at their best, you can see for yourself whether their flaws and mistakes are worth it. And when you see that they are, you keep trying. You keep loving them despite it all.”</p><p>Dick took a deep breath, then let it out softly.</p><p>“Thank you. For everything.”</p><p>“It’s what I’m here for.”</p><p>Barbara, for her part, watched as the princes gravitated to various parts of the house, sleeping on the couch, on the carpet in front of the fire, before she moved out of the living room to the bath. Soaking in the hot water, picking up the rose-scented soap and scrubbing the last few days’ worth of grime from her skin and hair to watch it all spiral down the brass drain. Finding and slipping on a nightdress that one of her friends had left for her. By then she moved back, lying down next to a sleeping Tim and Jason before the smoldering hearth, joined soon afterwards by Stephanie, who pulled her blanket over both of them. </p><p>For a while, the girl was unusually quiet, curling into Barbara for further warmth. </p><p>“So after we deliver the king and princes back home, then what?” Steph asked at last. “We just hope that their sister sees the light and goes home of her own accord?”</p><p>“No. If things truly get desperate, we in the kingdom could rally on our own, try to bring the princess home, no matter how powerful she is.” Barbara stared into the coals, at the flickering gold-and-crimson within the heart of the black. “We don’t have to just lie down and accept our fate. But I hear what you’re really asking, and no, we won’t have any part in the brothers’ lives after that.”</p><p>“Why not? We like them. And they clearly like us.”</p><p>“But they’re royalty, Stephanie. They can interact with their citizens, even accept help from them in a crisis like this, but they have their own lives. Their own ways. They and their peers will never truly see us as equals. That plus we’re women, and they’re men. They can afford to dabble in our lives, but we have much more to lose, engaging with them.”</p><p>“Those sound like excuses to me,” Stephanie muttered, shifting under the blanket.</p><p>“Hardly. It’s just the way the world is, Steph.”</p><p>“Yet you’re the one who always says -- who literally <em> just </em> said -- that we shouldn’t lie down and accept our fates,” Stephanie retorted. “You <em> are </em>just making excuses. Why are you doing that, getting in your own way of something you clearly want?”</p><p>“Do I have to say it again?” Barbara rolled over to face her. “We’re ordinary women. They’re princes and a king. Once they don’t need us anymore, they will have no reason to interact with us. He -- they, I mean <em> they </em>, will have no reason to want us around. This is a business transaction, and that’s all.”</p><p>Steph gave her a long look, laced with scornful anger.</p><p>“You know, you can lie to yourself as much as you want. But I thought you respected me enough not to lie to <em> me </em>.” </p><p>She rolled back over away from Barbara, her hair glowing in the dim firelight and fanning out over the carpet.</p><p>“Stephanie…” Barbara growled.</p><p>“Good fucking night.”</p><p>The two lay there in silence until Stephanie’s breaths slowed into sleep. Then Barbara, with effort, got to her feet and groped around for her cane, stumbling to the kitchen. Dick was still there, all the dishes clean and shining, seated on the floor, gazing upwards at the bundles of herbs dangling from the ceiling. Through the window, moonlight shone, a silver glow casting over a night that was already blue with cold and white with snow.</p><p>“So which of these does she use for cooking, and which for witchcraft?”</p><p>“The two are interchangeable to her. Except the belladonna.”</p><p>“One would hope.” He stood again, facing her, brushing off his clothes. “Barbara, look, I know she didn’t cure me like you were hoping, but she really did help. Honestly.”</p><p>Despite the emotions churning inside her like waves in a sea storm, Barbara smiled faintly. </p><p>“Dinah tends to do that. Embarrassing as she can be, she’s a godsend. And Dick, hey, you should be asleep. We’re heading back first thing in the morning.”</p><p>“Believe or not, being doomed and all makes it a tad difficult to rest.” At her expression: “Oh my God, Barbara, I’m sorry, I was joking. Hey. I’m not doomed.”</p><p>She swallowed hard.</p><p>“Don’t worry about me,” he continued gently. “Catalina’s --” He hesitated briefly, “-- just a few hours’ ride away. And we’ll fix things with my sister. As many tries as it takes.”</p><p>“How can you be so hopeful?” she wondered aloud. “Even after everything?”</p><p>“I’m not always.” He shifted from foot to foot. “Sometimes I get so despaired, so angry, I can barely breathe. But like Dinah reminded me...you just gotta decide whether what or who you’re fighting for is worth it. My kingdom, my people, are already worth it to me, and I’ve been missing my family for ten years, Barbara. I just -- I don’t want us to miss each other anymore.”</p><p>Barbara bent her head. Her arm moved slightly outward of its own accord, aching to put her hand on his shoulder, to take his, to pull him into an embrace, even. But she pulled it back to her side, and made herself look him in the eyes. </p><p>“You’re going to be a good king,” she murmured. </p><p>“Eternal winter and everything?”</p><p>Her laugh was soft.</p><p>“Yes. Eternal winter and everything.” </p><p>She turned, her nightdress fluttering slightly behind her. </p><p>“Now let’s get some sleep.”</p><p>He followed her, eventually stretching out on the couch next to Damian, pulling the small, sleeping boy into his embrace. He smiled at Barbara one more time before he shut his eyes. </p><p>She then moved as quietly as she could to Dinah’s room. As she expected, though Helena and Zinda had stretched out on the floor, Dinah herself was still awake, looking through an old spellbook. She looked up when Barbara walked in.</p><p>“I never got to ask. Are Oliver and the children alright?”</p><p>“They’re safe at the manor, don’t worry.” She closed the book, and Barbara saw that it was on love magic. “Holed up with enough wood to last the rest of the year.”</p><p>“My father?”</p><p>“Came by to check up on us just as the snow started. He’s alright too, I promise.”</p><p>“Good. And thank you, Dinah. For everything. As always.”</p><p>She turned to leave again.</p><p>“Hey, honey?”</p><p>She paused. When she faced her best friend again, there was sorrow and sympathy around Dinah’s eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Barbara. For everything.”</p><p>Barbara just sighed. When she leaned against her cane, all the weight of the last few days sunk into her again all at once.</p><p>“It’s alright. There’s nothing you could’ve done.”</p><p>When she finally returned to the living room and lay back down, closing her eyes, the fire had burned down to the last, flickering embers. While outside, the moon still shone, silent, cold as the night it brightened. </p>
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